Google That Thing

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Google can be a light in the dark. Or is it?

Don't know the answer?

Google that thing.

Sitting down on the curb, on the park bench, the bus stop. Phone out. Phone ready. Just in case.
Always.

A thought passes through. Passes by as the cars zip through roads made of concrete and yellow paint. Little green men walking and red lights talking. Stop. A thought passes through.

I wonder. I think. I'm not sure.

Don't know the answer?

Google that thing.

Wandering the wayside of a canal, side by side a friend. You wonder mid-words. What was that again?

Don't know the answer?

Google that thing.

Spending more time on Google than doodling on paper during classtime or drawing words with air or on bath-tubs.

Spending more time on Google than listening to the tales told tall and wide by friend, family and street-side story-spiders.

Words come in many forms. Not just text on Google.

Look it up.

The voices are a countless dozen. Trillion a two.

Not anything like you. But possibly so too.

Don't know the answer?

Just ask your best friend.

Or better yet.

Make it up.

Add your own story to the world. Maybe it will end up on Google, one day, too. 

Moony. 

Invisibility Exposure

Can you see me?

 Being between two people in a discussion makes for a period of invisibility exposure.

You are a lighthouse beacon being stared at by a crisp's chomping lady on break and two desk bound employees in the position of question and answer for the current project in progress.

To make matters more icing than cake; being temporary makes a case of invisibility exposure between two people discussing overhead as if you were four years old and in the grocery store with your mother running into an old friend, or worse, a teenager trapped over a reunion dinner of family. Being then oggled at for how tall you've gotten but not folowing the debate over business and the nails on chalkboard crunch of more crisps. Again. And again. And again.

***

In my mind I had many impressions. I have many but most of the time, these tend not to pan out anywhere near as impressed on my mind.

Which leads to that self-doubt of "should I really do this?"

That's your self-confidence talking.

Or as I like to call it, your invisibility exposure.

It makes relunctant pop idols of us all as we sit on public transport, or tumble off, or walk in the wrong direction, twice. Passing the same old man knocking back a coffee. It makes obsessed fans of us all. Dreaming, desiring and wishing for the recognition of others.

See me. See me. See me.

Except, when they see you, they don't really. They mutter profanities when you accidently bump them because you are wearing your glasses and see less better than when wearing contacts. They snicker and mutter under their breaths, not realising your good hearing caught the words when you go the wrong direction thrice.

Except, when they don't actually see you. It is you just thinking they did and the gossip in the back of the bus is actually two teenagers obsessing over Justin Bieber, not snarking at how ridiculous you look. Or how they are totally not going to as worthless as you at the age of 25.

Except, when they do see you. You don't believe them. Because words don't hold weight from the mouth of the other, not matter how close the other may be. You're awesome. Fantastic. Brilliant. Wonderful. Talented. It's a sieve full of sand.

You can't see yourself either.

That's the human condition of invisibility exposure and there is no easy smear of super glue to fix it.

No, all you can do it keep trying. Keep asking. Keep walking. Into fog, flame, moonlight and rain. All the while, hold hands with someone, or many someone's. The journey is the point of life but no one ever said you had to make the journey alone.

What will you do this week to bring people into your quest?

Moony

Confident Abilities

There are a million, trillion different courses out there about how, by taking said course, you can become instant-confident. A bit like instant coffee. With the caffeine high too.

The thing is, there is no such thing, like every trillion, billion other thing in the world, as an easy fix.

Confidence is especially ellusive.

Confidence can often be like trying to find the flowers in the fields of autumn. A green haystack.

Especially when you have a habit of being the sort who will flay your own back raw, regardless of the fact that getting thirty plus lashes for doing something "wrong" in this day and age, does not exist on a public, mainstream scale.

I was walking home from the pub yesterday evening with a friend and her boyfriend on the teeny stretches of English sidewalks and as such, because I am hyper conscious about giving people their bubble of space, I was practically off the road I was so close to the edge.

I got called out on it and told I could walk closer in.

What did I do in response? I apologised. Profusely. For being to hyper concerned about their spacial sensitivites.

That is not an example of a confident individual.

Except, I don't want to become a Tony Robbins character either. Note, I do really mean "character" as trying to be like him, would not be at all true to my authentic self and therefore it would just be another act.

So, if acting confident is not the way to go, because it is entirely inauthentic. What about all that fake it until you make it? Or that smile all the time and you'll eventually feel happy?

Those have their merits. But they aren't long term solutions. No. The long term solution to being confident is basically a slug through the mud. And here are the steps:

1. Be hyper aware of what comes out of your mouth. Shut it as soon as you start to apologise or debase yourself. 

2. Don't be afraid to say you are awesome. This works like the "smiling until you are actually happy" method.

3. Stare at yourself in the mirror at least once a day. Tell your reflection you are: awesome, gorgeous, profession, sexy etc. 

4. Walk down the street and pretend you are you're favourite superhero. Or a new one. (Invented entirely by you). 

5. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or to use helpful tools like microphones, timers or index cards of notes. 

6. Stop reading self-help books and watching all those TEDTalks. Those are great but they are one step above watching trashy reality tv. You've got to practice and live your confidence, not someone elses.

7. Don't force yourself to socialise, take the leadership position or the big roles. This is a process. It's slow. Like an oak tree, it's going to take time before it's strong against the wind. 

8. Be balanced. Try to do just one of these steps every day. Bad days are okay. Just remember to reflect on what went wrong and make sure tomorrow you try something else instead. 

 In short. If you want to be a confident individual you need to stop wanting it to happen now and you need to start reflecting on where you were yesterday, last week, or a year or two ago. You're human. So long as you are open and willing to change, you will change. Just slowly. If you do want it to achieve it before the age of seventy, find pride in your authentic self first and then find ways to augment that authentic self.

I'm probably going to invest in a microphone. Or at the very least a bell or whistle so I can get my students attention without yelling myself hoarse or getting progressively more frustrated because no matter how many breathing techniques I try or days spent in front of the mirror, I am just not a loud person. So I'm getting help. With a bit of technology.

What are you doing to authentically develop your confidence?
Moony