Thursday, 6 November 2014

Confident Abilities

There are a million, trillion different courses out there about how, by taking said course, you can become instant-confident. A bit like instant coffee. With the caffeine high too.

The thing is, there is no such thing, like every trillion, billion other thing in the world, as an easy fix.

Confidence is especially ellusive.

Confidence can often be like trying to find the flowers in the fields of autumn. A green haystack.

Especially when you have a habit of being the sort who will flay your own back raw, regardless of the fact that getting thirty plus lashes for doing something "wrong" in this day and age, does not exist on a public, mainstream scale.

I was walking home from the pub yesterday evening with a friend and her boyfriend on the teeny stretches of English sidewalks and as such, because I am hyper conscious about giving people their bubble of space, I was practically off the road I was so close to the edge.

I got called out on it and told I could walk closer in.

What did I do in response? I apologised. Profusely. For being to hyper concerned about their spacial sensitivites.

That is not an example of a confident individual.

Except, I don't want to become a Tony Robbins character either. Note, I do really mean "character" as trying to be like him, would not be at all true to my authentic self and therefore it would just be another act.

So, if acting confident is not the way to go, because it is entirely inauthentic. What about all that fake it until you make it? Or that smile all the time and you'll eventually feel happy?

Those have their merits. But they aren't long term solutions. No. The long term solution to being confident is basically a slug through the mud. And here are the steps:

1. Be hyper aware of what comes out of your mouth. Shut it as soon as you start to apologise or debase yourself. 

2. Don't be afraid to say you are awesome. This works like the "smiling until you are actually happy" method.

3. Stare at yourself in the mirror at least once a day. Tell your reflection you are: awesome, gorgeous, profession, sexy etc. 

4. Walk down the street and pretend you are you're favourite superhero. Or a new one. (Invented entirely by you). 

5. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or to use helpful tools like microphones, timers or index cards of notes. 

6. Stop reading self-help books and watching all those TEDTalks. Those are great but they are one step above watching trashy reality tv. You've got to practice and live your confidence, not someone elses.

7. Don't force yourself to socialise, take the leadership position or the big roles. This is a process. It's slow. Like an oak tree, it's going to take time before it's strong against the wind. 

8. Be balanced. Try to do just one of these steps every day. Bad days are okay. Just remember to reflect on what went wrong and make sure tomorrow you try something else instead. 

 In short. If you want to be a confident individual you need to stop wanting it to happen now and you need to start reflecting on where you were yesterday, last week, or a year or two ago. You're human. So long as you are open and willing to change, you will change. Just slowly. If you do want it to achieve it before the age of seventy, find pride in your authentic self first and then find ways to augment that authentic self.

I'm probably going to invest in a microphone. Or at the very least a bell or whistle so I can get my students attention without yelling myself hoarse or getting progressively more frustrated because no matter how many breathing techniques I try or days spent in front of the mirror, I am just not a loud person. So I'm getting help. With a bit of technology.

What are you doing to authentically develop your confidence?

No comments:

Post a Comment